Hahn: GSM

Rating: 7.2 Value: + Price: $13.99

If you’re going to spend $14 on a Hahn this summer, choose this GSM over that piece of shit Solo movie. Ron Howard’s ginger ass doesn’t need any more money anyways, he’s still racking in Happy Days royalties. Don’t get us wrong, we’re not against trying to savor every last drop from a stellar vintage, but what they’ve done to that franchise is equivalent to licking the bottle. Anyways, if you want something in-between a bold fruity California red and a spicy Spanish blend, look no further. As proof we drank this bottle faster than the Millennium Falcon made the Kessel Run. To the Hahn winery we say “great, kid, great! Don’t get cocky.” To Ron Howard we say: stick with voiceovers and cameos in Jamie Foxx music videos.

• Fruity Up Front
• Spicy Finish
• Star Wars Peaked with Jar Jar Binx

Wrongo Dongo: Monastrell

Rating: 6.3 Value: = Price: $8.99

We thought this would be an easy bottle to write about considering the look of the lable and the fact that it’s a spanish blend. But to be honest we’re a little stumped at what to say. Here’s a meme:

• Cool label
• Can’t go wrongo for the price 
• People still doing this meme?

Viu Manent Secreto: Malbec

Rating: 5.7 Value: – Price: $8.99

The secret is out… this wine was not that good. And it reminds us of another secret that we’ve been sitting on for the last few months. It shouldn’t be news to any of you now, but we’ve known for awhile that Lebron James was headed to Los Angeles. While we were tasting wines in Napa Valley this spring, we came upon a private tasting room. Because we looked the part with our t-shirts and business cards, the winery staff let us in immediately. Once inside, we realized we would be wine tasting with the king himself – Lebron was slouched over the table drinking a 2014 Pinot Noir. He kept muttering strange things like “where’s that 20 and 10 statline now Kevin!” and “more like Tyron loser“. Then out of nowhere, he just started crying and yelled “it’s so cold in Cleveland!” We walked over to see if we could help, or at the very least recommend a cheap wine. He calmed down a bit, told us his plans to be a Laker, and asked us not to go to the press. Naturally, as bloggers, we were conflicted, but we agreed to keep his Secreto. Here’s to us keeping our word Lebron, if you need a parting gift for Dan Gilbert, consider this Malbec.

• Inexpensive 
• Nothing Special 
• Could still win the Eastern Conference 

Summary

We didn’t get as much done as usual this month, but fear not, we plan on putting in extra overtime this next month to make up for it. We’re going to clocking in early and burning the midnight oil. Seriously though, were just going to be drunk all of July. If someone could please send a pallet of pedialyte and Advil to (redacted).