Anciano: Reserva 5 Years Tempranillo

Rating: 7.6 Value: + Price: $10.99

The first thing we noticed about this bottle was that it is wrapped in wire netting. What I can tell you is I usually have to go to FetLife to get this excited about fishnet stockings. Compared to those instances however, the only residual shame we felt was a slight hangover the next morning – a stark contrast to waking up in the cold light of day and realizing you jus- you know what, never mind. This wine was so well balanced, with a crisp bite and some nice lingering sweetness. Buy this bottle to replace your existing fetish, unless your fetish happens to be really good wine.

• Forbiddingly good
• Zero fatigue
• *Alcoholism is not a safe alternative to sex*

Masciarelli: Montepulciano D Abruzzo

Rating: 7 (*8 when inebriated) Value: + Price: $9.49

There’s no two ways about it, we were pretty lit when we tried this for the first time. It was Seattle Beer Week, so naturally we found ourselves brown-bagging a bottle of wine in the sun on the shores of Lake Union (pictured in the header). The vibes were off the charts as we did our best to be objective about our ratings and tasting notes.

“This is the best wine we’ve tasted in a while!”

“This is at LEAST an 8!”

A few days later, we bought another bottle thinking that we had stumbled upon gold. Our exuberance faded a bit on the second try however. Whether it was because we were way less drunk, or because we were in a way shittier mood, we agreed that this wine should be closer to a 7. For this reason, we’ve presented two different rankings. We can assure you that there is no need for you to question our credibility… We are already constantly doing that for ourselves. Buy this wine for a sunny day on the beach.

• Mood-dependent
• A good value regardless
• Sheeeeesh!

Tres Picos: Garnacha

Rating: 6.9 Value: = Price: $11.97

We have some bad news and some good news – the bad news is that this was our least favorite Garnacha that we’ve tried so far… The good news is that it still rated very well compared to most of the other varietals that we tried this month. Say what you want about the #GarnachaBoyz, but at the end of the day, we are consistent. Stop us, ohhh oh ho, stop us, stop us if you think that you’ve heard this one before: not too sweet, with a little peppery spice and a nice bite. Buy this wine and listen to The Smiths if you haven’t been disappointed by any of our Garnacha recommendations so far.

• A solid staple
• Widely available in stores
• You just can’t go wrong with a Garnacha

Tortoise Creek: Pinot Noir

Rating: 5.3 Value: – Price: $11.99

Our biggest problem with this wine was the argument it caused over whether a turtle and a tortoise are the same species. A quick Google search will tell you that the main difference between the two is that turtles generally live in the water, while tortoises dwell on land. This is a lesson I learned the hard way in 5^th grade when Nick Peasley and I were entrusted with taking care of our classroom pet-tortoise for an afternoon during the summer. We thought that he would like to go for a swim (quick Google searches were not as prevalent back then). We took the tortoise – that we had named Terrance – to the pond in my backyard. At first, it seemed like Terrance was having a hard time swimming, but we attributed that to the muscle atrophy that he must have sustained while stuck in his dry cage over the last 9 months. We decided to help him out by setting up some rocks and pillars sticking above the surface to help him rest.

“Why does he keep climbing as far away from the pond as he can?” Nick asked.

“I don’t know, he must have forgotten that he belongs in water” I said.

We learned a short time later the difference between a tortoise and a turtle, and realized that we had accidentally been torturing poor Terrance. At the end of the day, we did not enjoy this wine, so we hope that with this post, we have saved you a trip to the store and also to Wikipedia.

• Musty smell and taste
• Terrance deserved better
• Sorry Nick Peasley

Summary

Because of our Spring Release trip in Walla Walla, this is our second posting from May. It was fun to spend a weekend trying some of the nicer wines in the state, but we are much more comfortable rating these <$15 bottles.

We also rated our first white wine (welcome to summer) so check out our catalog for that and the other wines that didn’t make this chapter’s blog posting.

On an unrelated note, the NBA season is winding down. We’re hoping that this will give us an opportunity to make some connections, and finally convince a player to take us on as their official wine sponsor. Fingers crossed!